I had the wind taken out of my sail

Recently I was on the tube on my way home and I was tired. The kind of tired that makes your head loll and eyes lids droop. There were no seats so I decided to use my girlfriends shoulder as a sort of head rest and subsequently put my arms around her to anchor myself from the rumbling sway of the Piccadilly line. Being a considerate person I looked behind me to check I wasn’t gong to step on any toes and as I looked around I saw a woman staring at me with evil disapproving eyes.

She started to kiss her teeth at me and shake her head. At first I couldn’t understand why, I thought, oh no, did I accidentally knock her? Was I being completely unaware of myself and did I do something wrong? Not knowing and giving her a little smile I turned back and lay my head down, only to hear more teeth kissing. This is when we both clocked on, she was kissing her teeth at us being “together”. We looked at each other and laughed. I guess I laughed out of shock. Was this really happening? Was this lady making all this noise because we are two women who are together? We hadn’t kissed, we hadn’t touched  inappropriately, I simply held her and rested my head on her shoulder.

The two seats opposite this lady became free so we sat down. For the rest of our journey, we didn’t touch each other, in fact we changed our body language completely. We spoke quietly and tried to ignore the continued teeth kissing and homophobic mumbles. At one point she tried to rally the other people on the tube to join in her disapproval of us. One lady next to her did, I’m not sure she understood what she was joining in with, but she did join in and the man who I assume was with her of course did.

Thinking rationally I know that I will never see this lady again, that she isn’t important in my life and her opinion isn’t something I should take on board or personally and it wasn’t that bad, but it was just so nasty and so mean, it simply took the wind out of my sail. I was comfy and (God forbid) happy nestled in the shoulder of a lovely woman and this other lady ruined it. (Women being mean to women really annoys me but that’s another blog!)

It’s amazing the power people have when they shamelessly project their distain for who you are. I can’t change that I’m gay, I try to behave appropriately in public, I don’t like to cause a scene and unless I’m incredibly drunk, I pretty much stick to holding hands and a quick peck on the lips – oh and the ever so offensive shoulder leaning!

I’m not sure I even have a point, accept that it hurts, homophobia hurts and it’s so unnecessary in this world. I would never harm another person (knowingly). I don’t even want to change that woman’s mind, her opinion is her opinion and she’s entitled to not agree with the way I live my life, I don’t particularly agree with how she displays her emotions. I guess I just wish she’d kept it to herself. You don’t have to agree with who I am or what I think as long as you don’t actively try to stop me being who I am. Which was precisely what this lady was trying to do. Stop me being me.

People suffer from really bad cases of homophobia all around the world, this was just a little taste of it. I shouldn’t feel lucky to live in a city where I am tolerated and only experience small bursts of homophobia. I should be accepted wherever I am, we all should. I am a human being, no better and no worse than anyone else on this planet.

So boo you, the lady who thinks I shouldn’t be here, I am here and me and my gay aren’t going anywhere!




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3 thoughts on “I had the wind taken out of my sail

  1. Julia Minty says:

    I find this awful, the vile woman was probably jealous of something, no male or female to love her, not surprised with her attitude.
    It was a pleasure to meet you back in 2013, hopefully there may be a premier in this country and I can meet you and the other great people I met that time on Solitary.
    Take care and hope you do not encounter her or any other bigot in future.

  2. There are a-holes everywhere. Sorry you had to experience that, as well as having to change your behavior to appease hateful folks. It’s sadly true about the power that these idiots have over many. No one should be made to be uncomfortable because of love.

  3. Deanna says:

    Great article Jana ❤ love your work! Thank you for sharing your light with the world 🙂

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