I’ve been thinking a lot about religion, war, peace and just how frivolous my life can seem. Watching a documentary called Jesus Camp, I couldn’t help getting frustrated at the preaching and  brainwashing. The guilt  the young children were made to feel about joking and laughing with their friends at school or being “unholy” in anyway seemed cruel and unfair.

Half of me wanted to bash the adults around the head and say “wake up!” and the other half could see their counter point. The ‘want’ and ‘need’ in the parents to keep their child safe and loved and prepare them for a life that would end in heaven and not hell.

These parents truly believe that one day both themselves and their children will be judged.  Well, who am I to question their way of living or their beliefs? I expect people to let me live the way I want, so of course, they are totally entitled to live their lives the way they want.

Growing up in a Roman Catholic Convent School I was very religious. So were my grandparents and so was my mother. People around me that I respected and loved believed it, so why wouldn’t I? I used to pray everyday for 8 years, I started when I was 10. I continued on my religious path as a candle barer at Mass, that lead to the position of Head of Liturgy for my house at school and finally becoming a Eucharistic Minister, which is basically someone who can give out wine and wafers at Mass.

I still sometimes feel the seductive pull of religion. The peace it can offer you. If you just follow these rules, everything will be ok. The lord will look after you. If something terrible happens, it’s a lesson from God to teach you something. If something wonderful happens it’s God rewarding you.

Basically you absolve yourself from the responsibility and work of creating your own path, challenging yourself and views by following one that has already been planned out for you, very kindly, by God. It’s a full proof way YOU will never fail at anything in life.

I no longer believe in any of that. But I do believe there is something out there, something bigger than us, something we will always question but never really understand.

I suppose I wrote this because I could see how worried the Jesus Camp children were about people who they believed to be living in sin. They truly care for our souls. So this is for any of you out there who wonder if I’m worried I will go to hell for being a lesbian or think you should try to save me from it.

I don’t believe that who I am  means I will go to hell. I don’t believe that there is a hell, or a heaven. But on the off chance that  you’re right and I’m wrong, I think I’d rather end up in hell with all the other lesbians because that is my idea of heaven.


Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

3 thoughts on “Salvation

  1. beijas says:

    ahahaha! Love your conclusion! I believe the road to awakening consists of moving from rigid other-imposed religion to the personal responsibility of spirituality. Good luck with your spiritual journey, however it shows up! 🙂

  2. zoedefoe says:

    I think religion and spirituality are different. Religion to me is structured/organised, you are essentially told what is right or wrong and freedom within those thoughts is often frowned upon. I was brought up a Christian, went to church regularly as my parents put us in to clubs and as Primary schools often do have strong links to the local church this was inevitably a big part of my life, however even at that young age it felt wrong and uncomfortable to me. It wasn’t until I was at university and starting to open up more about my sexuality that the true brunt of a person’s religious beliefs hit me. I was very good friends with an evangelical Christian girl there, we met on our first day of the course as we’d both arrived early and got on really well, kinda did everything together – the minute that she found out that there was a possibility that I might be gay, I was dropped like a rag doll and everyone then found out. She said she loved everyone but that God said it was wrong and to me everything she said/did was nowhere near love as I understood it. The thing is we can choose whether we think something is wrong or not, she chose to think it was wrong and that was it. A year after I left university, I met a Buddhist woman and my spiritual path had final found it’s way – in a grounded, open-minded, belief system (some would argue more a philosophy than a religion) and I didn’t have to change myself, belief in anything, it was as natural as breathing to me. The only thing that changed was that I started to practise meditation and I have to say, that changed my life. I went from being an anxious person who couldn’t sit still to someone who was calm and happy – it took months to happen but the daily practise was worth it for me personally. Religion/spirituality to me should be personal, it should not be preached or organised because ultimately a person’s religion/spiritual is their individual way of coping with the difficulties in life. Finding that solace, space to be yourself and to know that there is always something you can fall back on – for me it’s meditation for those who believe in God or Gods, it’s them etc. Ultimately there will always be something bigger and more than us as not every question in life can never be answered – how did we get here being one of them. We often hear about the big bang theory but atoms had to have collided in order for that to happen, where did they come from? If evolution caused/was the product of the big bang then creation must have caused the atoms – we could go on forever, but ultimately that it where God comes in for some people and where religions across the ages have come up with their own theories and beliefs. Ultimately follow your own path, believe what you believe and above all be happy 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: