Looking out of my window, enjoying a beer and maybe a cheeky cigarette (don’t tell mum). I can’t help but think about the fact that I’m over 30, divorced and destined for a life filled with searching and learning as opposed to continuity and certainty.

At my age I should be eating organic food, doing yoga and planning a future, but I’m not. I want to take care of myself and be wise about my life choices, but for some reason it’s just not as interesting as seeing what happens if I don’t focus on all the things I’m “supposed” to.

I guess I’ve realized that we are all just here, just for this time, so we should enjoy every moment of it. I’m not sure exactly why I’m here yet, but I am sure I don’t want to spend time worrying about a future that may or may not happen. I love creating and experiencing, I want to leave behind something that is beyond myself. I say this on a blog that’s all about me, which is ironic to say the least.

Listening to people speak about the atrocities that take place all over the world, to families, children, particularly in Palestine right now. And to those who are in the LGBT community, in countries where they are being persecuted for it, makes me feel small. Makes my problems insignificant and muffles the hype of London.

But what can we do about it? Can we really help those suffering in this world? Can we really make change? I suppose in my little way that’s what I’m trying to do with the documentary I’ve made. Because deep down I know that just helping one person is enough. If one person just helped one other person, maybe this world would be a different place.

I can’t help notice that when I focus on creating something to help others, I’m truly happy and everything flows so easily. It’s when I get distracted by success, that’s when I fall by the wayside. Why is ensuring our own personal success so seductive? At times it can feel like the most important thing, but I’m recognising each day how trivial it is.

Sometimes a person will pop up and make me question my decisions and motives. On reflection maybe I should take better care of myself (*puts down beer and cigarette*), I am fortunate to have a healthy body. Today I’m just grateful to be living in a country that affords me the rights every human should have, I’ll leave figuring everything else out to tomorrow.

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8 thoughts on “Success!

  1. Dilek says:

    Hey Jana,

    I hope you are well.

    This is truly inspiring. Keep focusing on helping others and you will be the most successful and richest person. I recently read something about changing the world, thought you might like it 🙂

    ‘We don’t change the world. We change ourselves, and by doing so, we create a change in the world. We have to find a way to look each other in the eye and not be afraid of what we see. We must find a way to wash away our own ego and understand someone else’s pain. We need to train ourselves to think not only about what’s best for me right now, but also about what’s best for the other person, and through that other person, for the whole group and ultimately the world.

    Now is the time to create a change’.

    Best of Luck
    Dilek xx

  2. zoe says:

    There is a quote I love, ‘be the change you wish to see in the world.’ (Think it was Gandhi) You, by helping other people, even if it’s just one means other person, are bringing about positive change. The greatest success you can ever have in life is being yourself and following your heart and that really does take courage and hard work at times. When I left one of my teaching roles, I left the children with this bit of advice:

    What anyone else thinks of you is none of your business.
    The best you can ever be is yourself.
    The greatest gift you can ever have is that of happiness.

    I truly believe that. Buddha also said, ‘your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it.’ You love creating and experiencing and by doing things in that way, it will open more doors to you, even if it takes time 🙂 As some people say you can have success but not happiness and I think to have both you have to start with happiness and prioritise that, anything else is then a bonus 🙂

    I’ll be 35 this year and lots of changes are happening, I found that what makes me happy wasn’t the field that I went in to career wise and have spent the past 16yrs pursuing. (Languages Teaching). Like you experiencing is important for me whether it’s nature, outdoors, different people, cultures, countries etc etc and where I am creative is by taking those photos that I have taken in these places and drawing/painting them and/or editing the photos etc. All of these things together are what make me truly happy and what makes my heart sing a little. I also have a little project, a bit like you doing a documentary, I am in the process of compiling a book 🙂 The project is a challenge, gives me something personal to do when I’m not doing anything else and I will feel as though I have achieved something when I have finished it. It’s enough for me 🙂

    In summary, success is those little things: helping someone else; finding your own happiness; achieving a personal goal etc.

    Bonne chance et Buena Suerte! 🙂 xx

  3. The Running Lesbian. says:

    You can change the world and drink you beer at the same time…ultimate multi-tasking.

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